Why Do I Do This?

I have raced a lot this year. I was counting back....



January - Resolution Run



April - Drake 8K



June - Dam to Dam



July - Iowa Games Triathlon



August - YWCA Triathlon



September - Capital Striders 10 miler



November - Hit the Trail 5 miler and this weekend the Living History Farms race.



Without fail, in the lead up before each of these races I have consistently thought to myself, "what am I doing?" Either I'm not trained enough. Or I'm intimidated by the distance. Or I'm wary of the swim. Or I shouldn't be taking the time away from my family. Or I'm too slow on the course.



My internal voice can be a real bitch to me.



Why do I keep signing up for stuff, looking for the next challenge? I've thought about it a lot and I think I am hooked on the rush of accomplishment I feel when I'm done. The feeling that I've met a goal, beat a time I hoped to beat or demonstrated to my kids that it's good to try, good to do something that scares you a bit, good to put yourself out there.



The mind monkeys are swinging from vine to vine this week in anticipation of the Living History Farms race. The weather has chased me indoors to run and I am just not sure how ready I am. I am pretty sure my overall level of fitness can carry me through the 7 mile off road race in some form or another.

It is this phenomenon, more than any other, that makes me nervous about committing to a marathon. To do it I will have to conquer these doubts, fears and insecurities and embrace the process. I clearly keep trying and I am clearly a work in progress!